A FLY ON THE WALL: What Men Really Say About Women

Copyright TAHC, LLC - All Rights Reserved.

Thanks to Kelly G. for this transcript!

 

EPISODE TWO

May 27, 2007

 

–INTRO TO SHOW-

 

 

Welcome to another episode of A FLY ON THE WALL…

Guy #1: I love girls who are just like, you know, strong and take charge kinda ladies.

Guy #2: You know, somebody who’s uh, you know, loves you, cares about you, wants you, but doesn’t need you to, uh you know, make her feel okay about herself.

Guy #3: No drama, I don’t do drama.

Guy #4: You know, what fascinates me is Goth girls. They’re so devoted.

Guy #5: All day woman. Smart, good looking nice body. Good cook. Good hair. Great mom, good fun to be with.

Guy #6: Definitely someone who can put up with my bullshit.

Guy #7: You know, I need a really sweet girl, but she’s got, her body’s gotta rock.

Guy #8: A very exotic look. Part Italian, a little Armenian, a little bit of French, and a little bit of that, a little bit of everything, So kinda that olive skin, beautiful eyes.

Guy #9: I like sweatpants, and uh t-shirts, and uh clogs.

Guy #10: Yeah, I’m an ass man, all day long, all day long. Hahahahaha. Ha.

 

–SEGMENT 1–

 

 

MIKE: Hey, how’s it going Kirk?

KIRK: Good, Mike, I’m really glad to see you. It’s been a week and I can’t believe we’re doing another podcast.

MIKE: It’s a very exciting time for both of us as we found that there’s been 45 people that have downloaded our show so far. Yeah! Oh I thought I blew the level on that one

KIRK: It’s okay, we’re not really sound engineers yet.

MIKE: Very exciting time, Kirk, congratulations.

KIRK: Thank you, it’s fine.

MIKE: It’s an audience of us.

KIRK: Yeah, audience, whatever. If you’re listening, then…

MIKE: Thank you!

KIRK: Yeah. We need one more listener at least to get up to 46.

MIKE: Kirk, I gotta tell ya. I saw this girl with gigantic boobs. I hate to jump right into it, but I had to start it like that. But this particular pair that I saw earlier today?

KIRK: Wait, wait. This is LA. It’s gotta be…

BOTH: Fake boobs!

KIRK: Uh huh. So does that do it for you?

MIKE: I don’t know.

KIRK: I just think that they’re plastic, and they’re…

MIKE: They’re not though. They’re saline or they’re…um…maybe they are plastic.     

KIRK: I know, but it’s like an artificial thing inside your body, you know? It’s like if someone had a glass eye or something. I mean, would you rather see their glass eye or their real eye, you know? Well maybe that’s a bad example.

MIKE: Somehow I’m thinking about Sandy Duncan and…

KIRK: No, it’s just so phony though. It’s like, would you rather see a pair of, let’s say, 34B’s, real ones, or 36C’s, fake ones.

MIKE: Neither, I’m an ass guy by trade. But…

KIRK: Me too, so we agree on another thing.

MIKE: Yeah, but I guess natural boobs excite me more.

KIRK: Yeah, me too, I totally agree.

MIKE: But they’re getting so damn hard to tell the difference between natural and fake these days. I mean, there are some kick-ass boob jobs out there.

KIRK: Yeah? You know, I wouldn’t know I’ve never actually felt a pair of fake boobs, I mean.

MIKE: Is that true?

KIRK: Yeah, I mean. I’ve never actually felt a pair. I mean, every girl I’ve ever dated has always had real ones. And some of them were small, like really small. But I didn’t care, like I was just into the girl, you know? Now, it’s so funny. I’m married to this woman who has this huge rack, major set of tits.

MIKE: True.

KIRK: She’s like a double D. And they’re natural, like totally natural. And whenever she walks out anywhere, guys are just gaga over her.

MIKE: Let me just take you back for a second, you said you never had touched fake boobs, which I have. And I’ve touched a bunch of them? Going back probably about 15 years ago when I was four. But, I feel bad, first of all, for women who have real boobs, like your wife who are…huge racks, because I feel like that was their advantage. Like, fake boobs haven’t been around that long but all of a sudden it’s like boom, poof, you can get fake boobs. And all of a sudden, you’re in the game.

KIRK: Right.

MIKE: You know. I mean I guess it’s nice if you’re real flat. It gives you a little boost of self confidence or something like that. But there’s girls that have 34Bs and end up with 34Ds. That, it’s just like, you don’t need to do that.

KIRK: Yeah it’s like overkill.

MIKE: Right.

KIRK: Like, how about just go up a couple sizes, you know what I mean? Like when they’re huge…

MIKE: Or do you even need, you don’t even need to go up really.

KIRK: Yeah.

MIKE: I don’t know.

KIRK: Well I have this friend, though. Well, he’s not really my friend anymore. I kind of…I’ll tell you that story later. But, you know what? He had this boob thing. He had this, like, fixation on chicks’ tits. And so he married this girl who was really flat, and he just dogged her and dogged her until finally she actually got a boob job. And you know what, I mean, I thought that was so uncool. Like he knew…

MIKE: Well, it is uncool.

KIRK: Well, he knew when he met her, you know, that she was flat. So was it his big plan all along to manipulate her to do that or…what’s up with that? And I just thought, that’s so uncool to do to a girl. To make her feel so insecure.

MIKE: He paid for them, right?

KIRK: Yeah, he paid for them.

MIKE: Okay, yeah, that’s good.

KIRK: Why, are they expensive? I mean, is it like…?

MIKE: Oh yeah, I mean, I think it’s like 3 to 5 grand.

KIRK: I have no clue.

MIKE: Somewhere in there. I think. I haven’t had it done, but I think it’s in that ballpark.

KIRK: I’m glad you haven’t, Mike.

MIKE: But I mean, that’s a lot of cash to be throwing around.

KIRK: yeah, I guess. I just, I don’t know. For me, it’s like, you feel something in there that’s plastic. Or you say you don’t feel it, right?

MIKE: Well, back about ten, twelve years ago, it felt like a hard ball in there. And it was scarred up. I mean, you take a chick’s bra off, and it’s a mess. And you’re swatting around like tennis balls and there was some skin over them.

KIRK: God, that’s so gross to me, that’s so gross that it’s like plastic in your body and…

MIKE: But it always looked great. It always looked great, like put together. It’s like, you walk by, and you know, everybody’s gonna stare at tits. It doesn’t matter who you are, you know? So it looks great. It’s just when everything came off that it’s just like “Ew!” I don’t know if I…

KIRK: So would you actually get turned off at that point? I mean…

MIKE: No, because I’ve always been adventurous and excited about

KIRK: So you wouldn’t go “Oh this feels really nasty.”

MIKE: No, I just thought that. I’m sure it would have ended whatever situation I was in if I would have. But, because I’m not a boob guy, I don’t think it makes that big of a difference to me. But I’ve definitely noticed, the girls I’ve dated recently in the last few years. The scars, a lot smaller. Boobs, a lot softer. You know, they say, I really don’t know the whole procedure because I don’t care, but they say they go under the muscle and, you know, this whole jargon that makes no difference to me. They feel nice, they look great.

KIRK: Here’s the thing. I mean, models are usually pretty flat, you know? Models you see on runways and stuff are like flat. So why is that? Like how come they don’t get the boob jobs?

MIKE: You know, that’s interesting. I don’t know

KIRK: And who are appealing to? Are they trying to appeal to women, or are they trying to appeal to men?

MIKE: Well, models are a whole another topic, to be honest with you. Most of them aren’t as hot as I should think they are. Especially runway, like where do they go with all these fucking ugly clothes that they’re trying on that nobody ever buys anywhere?

KIRK: And with that fucking sneer they have where they just sneer at everyone?

MIKE: Yeah why is it hot to look pissed off?

KIRK: Yeah.

MIKE: Girls that I’m attracted to, I usually like to see a smile.

KIRK: Right.

MIKE: Not “Hi, I look like I’m pissed and I haven’t had meat in days…”

KIRK: “And I don’t have the time of day for you.”

MIKE: Yeah, I mean. Why is that hot? I don’t get that.

KIRK: I don’t know.

MIKE: Like, I don’t know anybody who would, let’s just say, look like Kate Moss.

KIRK: Right.

MIKE: Cindy Crawford, kind of an exception I think.

KIRK: Yeah?

MIKE: I think so.

KIRK: Well she has boobs.

MIKE: And she’s more full figured.

KIRK: Yeah yeah.

MIKE: She didn’t seem like that waify, pissed off. She wasn’t a waify, pissed off runway model. I just don’t understand that. And you’re right, though, none of them have boobs. Nine times out of ten, most of these fashions, I don’t see anywhere except in some clip on a runway. Or in a magazine.

KIRK: Right, yeah. It’s kind of like those things with the cars. You know, they have the concept cars, right?

MIKE: Mmhmm.

KIRK: You know, it’s like some cool, I don’t know, can go 0 to 60 in 3 seconds or something, but it’s only a concept car. And it’s never going to be in production. And so they make it, and I don’t get why they do. Same thing with the fashion models. Like, you could never look like that. If I ever met a girl that looked like that, I’d be going “God, damn, I wish she had some meat on her, I wish she had an ass or…”

MIKE: Right.

KIRK: I mean, it would just not be a turn on to see a bunch of bones like that.

MIKE: But the good thing is that she can buy fake boobs

KIRK: That’s true. So anyway, that’s our fake boob segment. I don’t know if we learned anything, but maybe someone will write into us. You know, you can write into us and tell what you think.

MIKE: I never thought I’d be sitting around your kitchen going we talked about fake boobs for a segment and I wonder if we learned anything

KIRK: Oh boy, so what do you think the percentage is? Like, most of the guys you know, are they, like, gaga over boobs?

MIKE: No, I would say they’re more gaga over ass than boobs.

KIRK: Yeah.

MIKE: And of course personality

KIRK: Personality is key. That’s the number one thing. Actually, the face and the personality. That’s the number one thing guys go for. Don’t you?

MIKE: Ah, what’s more important, the body or the face?

KIRK: I still think the face is the most important, but we got to take a break, so we can’t solve it right now. Okay, anyway, we’ll be right back.

 

COMMERCIAL

 

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–INTERLUDE–

 

Guy #1: I mean, I like boobs. But it’s like a bonus, you know what I mean? Yeah, it’s a bonus.

Guy #2: First of all, let’s check the face. And then I’m going to check the back.

Guy #3: I guess I’m a breast man.

Guy #4: Um, intelligence, definitely. I find that the sex is much more interesting if the person’s intelligent.

Guy #5: Not preppy girls, I don’t like girls that are stuck up.

Guy #6: Diamonds, like, you know, fancy cars, peoples that like to show peoples that they’ve got money. I’m against this stuff.

Guy #7: I don’t want to get, you know, I don’t want someone who’s gonna bust my chops everyday, and I hope, I hope, I don’t have the desire to do that to her either.

Guy #8: If she’s too stupid, I can’t handle her. I just cut it right away.

Guy #9: It’s nice to have somebody who’s watching your back and making sure you’re not making an ass out of yourself.

Guy #10: You know, definitely women from other countries, other cultures, coming from some sort of heritage besides, uh, Wal-Mart.

Guy #11: Somebody funny.

Guy #12: I love it when they’re weird. That’s hot!

 

–SEGMENT 2-

 

KIRK: Hi you guys. Welcome back, it’s Kirk here.

MIKE: Hi, it’s Mike also. Welcome back to A FLY ON THE WALL.

KIRK: Okay, I wanna ask you about the face versus the body, okay? Wouldn’t you rather see a nice face on a girl than have a nice ass on a girl?

MIKE: I gotta be honest with you, Kirk. That’s a tough one for me.

KIRK: Really?

MIKE: That’s a tough one for me.

KIRK: Oh my god, that’s such a no-brainer for me. Like if I saw some chick with a big ass, like let’s say she’s like thirty pounds over?

MIKE: Mmhmm?

KIRK: And she had a killer face? I’d be all over it. I’d be totally all over it because of her face.

MIKE: Instead of, like, a kick ass smoking body?

KIRK: I don’t…yeah. I gotta tell you, the face means more to me than the body.

MIKE: Interesting

KIRK: Are you surprised by that?

MIKE: No, because we like different things.

KIRK: I know, but.

MIKE: But no. I mean, I think I’d rather…

KIRK: The face. No, dude, the face. That’s where their soul is. That’s where their whole, like, history is. It’s all in their face, and like, their eyes.

MIKE: Really? Until they get a boob job and then they get their face tucked?

KIRK: You know what? It’s still their face. It’s all about like their face. That’s what the whole thing about makeup is. They want their face to look good. Cuz you know a guy is…

MIKE: So they’re covering up all their history

KIRK: They’re trying to accentuate it. They’re trying to accentuate, like, their charm in their face. That’s what they’re trying to do with makeup. So you don’t think the face is important.

MIKE: No, it’s definitely important.

KIRK: So, like, if you were going to marry a girl. Let’s say you were going to marry a girl, alright? Not that you ever would.

MIKE: I don’t wanna go down that road.    

KIRK: Not that you ever would.

MIKE: Kirk, let’s not get crazy.

KIRK: I’m saying, not that you ever would. But like, let’s say you were going to marry a girl.

MIKE: Okay?

KIRK: Aite? You can marry a girl with, like, a smoking hot body, a 10 on the body, and just a humdrum face. Okay? That’s your one choice. Or, you can marry this girl with like a so-so body but just a smoking great face. When I say smoking, I mean, like charming. Fun and exciting and like, alive.

MIKE: Here’s the problem.

KIRK: And also the personality goes with the face

MIKE: Why can’t the personality go with the body? See if you leave personality out of this.

KIRK: Okay, okay. So photographs, a photograph of a woman.

MIKE: And here’s the, well, here’s the…

KIRK: You know, well you can’t marry a photograph.

MIKE: No, you can’t.

MIKE: Well you could, but you’d be a fucking weirdo. The thing is, and I know you’re going to throw this at me, probably, but you’ll go, “Well, the body’s going to go eventually but the face will stay the same.”

KIRK: I would have never thought of that.

MIKE: Cuz I’ve heard that before.

KIRK: Yeah.

MIKE: Especially from girls who feel like they should be getting married, right around that early 30s mark, and nobody’s come a-courting in awhile. “The face is there, the body’s going to go, eventually.” But I think I still have to go with the body and the rougher head

KIRK: I’m not talking about a big girl. I’m talking about a normal girl who just, I’m talking about a girl that just has, like an “ennh” body. But she’s got a great face, and she loves to play. I guess, I can’t separate the face from the personality, you know?

MIKE: Well, this could be a rough topic.

KIRK: Well we’re going to go to a segment that we call “Ask a Guy” where a woman on the street asks us a question and we try to answer it.

MIKE: Well, we do answer it. We just try to…

KIRK: Well, we hope they like it.

MIKE: Exactly. [laughs]

 

–ASK A GUY-

 

DIANA: Hi, my name’s Diana and I wanna know, when a girl and a guy break up, why is it that most of the time the guy can just like shut off and move on and it’s like he’s completely over it in like five seconds when women, like, obsess and like wanna call him? Why is it that the guy seems to get over it so quickly?

MIKE: Why don’t guys obsess? I’ll tell you what, there’s a million times that I’ve sat there going, “Oh my God, what went wrong, and is it the right time of day to do a drive-by? Or should I call and hang up? But now that everybody has a caller ID and I don’t have one of those little things that pop up and say “Private line.”

KIRK: Like let’s say you’re with a girlfriend or you’re married or whatever and someone’s going to go on a trip, right? So you’re at the airport and you go away at the gate and you say goodbye to them. The girls are always crying, right? And they haven’t even left yet and they’re crying. But the guys, they don’t cry then, they don’t cry until, you know, a while later when the girl’s been gone a long time and then they’re like, “Oh my God, I was really, so good with that girl. I wish I had her back.” You know what I mean?

MIKE: I have dropped off a bunch of girls at the airport and none of them cried.

KIRK: None of them cried?

MIKE: I think I’m living a different life than you, Kirk.

KIRK: God, even if they’re going to Vegas for a three day weekend or whatever, they end up crying like “Oh oh oh, I’ll miss you so much. What if the plane crashes?” or whatever. I mean, they just cry because they think like, I don’t know, they’re going to be leaving me for a long time.

MIKE: If I’m a girl and I’m heading off to Vegas for a three day weekend and getting away from my boyfriend, I think I’m crying for joy.

KIRK: Well maybe that’s the wrong, um, that’s the wrong destination.

MIKE: How about Idaho?

KIRK: Yeah let’s say Idaho. I don’t know, I think guys are different. Like, I think guys lament after the fact, a long time after the fact. Like for example, every country song you hear. And by the way, I like country music. Mike hates it.

MIKE: That’s not true.

KIRK: Well you don’t.

MIKE: No, I do like country music now.

KIRK: Really?

MIKE: I just spent some time

KIRK: Oh yeah, that’s just because you just came back from Nashville.

MIKE: Yeah and before that I was in Dallas, so.

KIRK: So you went to some honky tonks and now you converted.

MIKE: Yes.

KIRK: Nice. But anyway, country songs, they talk about…so many times how they miss their girl, they cry for her, they can’t do anything without her, and all that. And I think it all comes after the fact whereas with women, it comes earlier. It comes like right when the breakup happens.  So Diana, I hope that answers your question.

 

TARA: This is Tara and I was wondering why guys have the weirdest sense of humor and they’re really sarcastic and half the time you don’t know if they’re joking or for real.

MIKE: Tara wants to know why guys are being sarcastic all the time? I can’t imagine the guys that Tara’s dating.

KIRK: What do you think, no, do you think guys are sarcastic?

MIKE: Guys are…yes! God yes.

KIRK: Do you think girls are?

MIKE: Yeah! The fun ones.

KIRK: So. I know that my wife certainly is. She’s like so sarcastic, and it’s kind of fun actually. I don’t know, is Tara, is she an anomaly or something?

MIKE: I think. I mean, you’re in a relationship with a woman who’s very sarcastic, like you just said. I love dating girls that are sarcastic. And I think that adds something to the relationship. There’s a little more to the person, and they’re usually pretty quick-witted. Like your wife’s certainly quick-witted, and I dig it.

KIRK: Yeah?

MIKE: Yeah.

KIRK: So don’t you think someone’s feelings are going to get hurt or their wires are going to get crossed or something? I mean, cuz sometimes, you may be joking but there may be something serious behind it.

MIKE: You know what, you’re always going to cross a line, I think, if you’re sarcastic or if you’re not. Somebody’s feelings are gonna get hurt whether you’re sarcastic or not.

KIRK: You know, I speak French. Not so much anymore because I’m in LA, but I used to speak it fluently. And it’s weird to me, I’ve discovered that the French don’t get sarcasm. Like if you say something sarcastic, they just, they don’t get it. Maybe it’s like Tara, maybe they just don’t get it.

MIKE: Yeah, I don’t understand people, or I’m sorry, let me back that up, I don’t wanna be around people that don’t understand sarcasm. .

KIRK: Well sorry, Tara, I guess you and Mike aren’t really going to be dating soon. But wait, hey Mike, what was that thing you were telling me before the break?

MIKE: I was thinking a bit about whether I would date a girl and then possibly date her sister after we had broken up. And I’ll tell you why I started thinking about this because when I was in high school, there was a situation where that almost came about a couple of times. And I figured if it was probably something that you and I should talk about, and for me, revisit the idea a little bit.

KIRK: There’s a lot of different aspects to that. The first thing that I think of is that, well, the relationship is really not part of it, because, it’s just another girl, you know.

MIKE: Now, I wish there was a woman sitting with us right now, but there’s not, so we’re going to have to use our male minds here. Do you think a woman, if she had two sisters, and you had gone out with her for a couple of years, and you guys were really close, and you break up, and you don’t see her for, you haven’t seen her for a couple years and maybe you move out of state or something, and you bump into her sister who you always had gotten along real well with, all family functions, you guys all = giggled but there was never really anything that you really thought was there, or maybe there was, I don’t know.

KIRK: Mmhmm.

MIKE: You start dating her, and she calls the sister, calls up the family, which you’ve known the family for years.

KIRK: Yeah that’s weird.

MIKE: Yeah, and says “I’m bringing Kirk back home for the holidays.”

KIRK: See, I didn’t know you meant dating for years. I thought you meant, you’re just dating for awhile and change gears and go for the sister. You’re talking about you know the family and everything.

MIKE: Well even if, even if you’re dating a couple times and you change gear and go to the sister, you don’t think that’s weird?

KIRK: Um, yeah I guess it would be actually weird. I do think it is. I thought that, when I think of sisters, I think of them living in separate lives and separate places, you know, and so it’s just kinda like another girl but I totally get your point.

MIKE: Now being kind like the swinging bachelor that I am, and I thought of myself as more of a Romeo studly bachelor in my high school youth. Not really, but kinda?

KIRK: Yeah.

MIKE: But one of those.

KIRK: Don’t you have to have the goods to back that up.

MIKE: You usually do, yes, you usually do, but when you’re in high school and you don’t tell anybody else, and you just tell yourself that, it’s fine. On two separate occasions, now that I’m thinking about it. When I was thinking about this topic earlier, I wasn’t thinking about, um, I was thinking of one particular incidence where sisters came into play but now that I’m thinking about it, there’s actually two. And what’s funny is, and it was, you know, I didn’t sleep with both of the sisters, but I did, in both cases, hook up with both of the sisters, and I don’t think any of the sisters ever knew, but there is something in the back of your mind, like “Yeah, I’m a fucking stud.” There definitely is that. Of course, I was 18, and 17, 17 and 18. But I wonder how I would feel about it now.

KIRK: Well how would you feel about it now?

MIKE: That’s why I’m wondering it right now, Kirk, as I’m sitting here.

KIRK: It’s a beautiful night. We’ve been talking about the beach, sisters.

MIKE: I think that it would be…there’d still be a part of me that’d be like “Yeah, look at me, man.”

KIRK: So it’s a sort of trophy thing for you?

MIKE: Probably.

KIRK: Yeah yeah. See, I can see the exact opposite situation, alright? This is what happened. When I was in high school, my brother, who’s a year older than me, he was dating this girl called Linda, right. And she was a nympho, she was like a freaking nympho.

MIKE: How would you know this?

KIRK: I could just, feel her out. Like She was just…

MIKE: Hello.

KIRK: No I mean she was just nuts. So, I don’t mean…

MIKE: Did you ever catch your brother getting it on with her?

KIRK: Here’s the thing, my brother was a teetotaler. He was like this, you know, religious guy. And I’m like, I’m the bad brother, so like, he wouldn’t give it to her and she was this nympho and she really wanted it.

MIKE: Are you being serious?

KIRK: I’m totally serious. So they dated kinda like puppy love or whatever. This was in high school. They dated for about, I don’t know, maybe about six to eight months. And I had my eye on this whole operation.

MIKE: Let me back up for a second, alright, how much older is your brother than you?

KIRK: He’s a year older

MIKE: A year older, okay. So was this girl his same age?

KIRK: Yeah they were in the same class.

MIKE: Did you know her before him?

KIRK: No, no I met the girl, I met Linda from my brother and then pretty soon, like, she started making moves on me.

MIKE: For real?

KIRK: Yeah for real.

MIKE: Where was the first place she made a move on you at?

KIRK: Oh boy, it was mostly like just around school and like one day at home. I mean she invited me to her house, and her mom, she still lived with her mom and everything, you know, you’re in school, and her mom was like one of those parents that’s from a divorce or whatever and they have a lot of guilt. She would just be like, “Oh, just go down there, go downstairs and close the door, I don’t wanna see what you guys are up to. So we were like okay, sure, so we went down there, and sure enough we fooled around and finally she had to come clean with my brother because we started doing it more and more. And she had to come clean. And They weren’t really dating seriously at that point, because like I said, she was all lustful, and he was just not into it, you know? So…

MIKE: So he beat the shit out of you?

KIRK: Well no, he kinda like…I could tell that he was kinda hurt. I could definitely tell that he was kinda hurt. But at the same time, and also he didn’t understand it, like he didn’t understand like my driving lust and my passion and I think he was hurt. Like I could tell he was hurt and I felt bad about that. But I didn’t really like, snake her or anything you know. She was just, you know, she wanted it. And they weren’t a match. They just, they weren’t a match together.

MIKE: Ladies and gentleman, this is the married man talking.

KIRK: Well it took me awhile to get married and I had to figure it all out first.

MIKE: Wow, okay, so they were still together though when you were doing this.

KIRK: Yeah and when I say together, I mean like, they would go out, you know, and fart around, but they weren’t that serious because my brother. He couldn’t give her what she wanted, you know?

MIKE: Yeah apparently.

KIRK: And Mr. Casanova here.

MIKE: Way to step in there.

KIRK: She was great and you know?

MIKE: Did you feel guilty immediately?

KIRK: No, I kinda just went with it, you know?

MIKE: Of course

KIRK: It’s cool, um, but she was kind of. like the pudgier side of athletic. Like she was a tennis person and everything.

MIKE: Whoa whoa whoa.

KIRK: Hold on.

MIKE: What’s the pudgier side of athletic?

KIRK: You know like, there’s okay, the athletic people who are completely toned and everything and then there’s the ones who…

MIKE: Did she play field hockey?

KIRK: She could have.

MIKE: Gotcha, okay.

KIRK: Yeah okay, you got it. But she was like that. She was really athletic. And but, she was just, she was just ready. And so it all happened. And then, I mean, I kept dating her, and my brother just, I don’t know. He just kind of didn’t understand or didn’t get it or something. I mean, I never asked him about it, but he never, he was never pissed off or anything. He kind of was just a little hurt. So that was, that’s kinda like your sister thing. But do you think she was…immoral?

MIKE: I hate to say this but I think different rules apply when you’re in high school. I mean, I think everybody was so frickin’ horny and hopped up. They were ready to dry hump anything, except for your religious brother, and you know I think there’s kind of a little, you know, I think you can kinda get away with something like that. And the reason I say that is because my brother too, who’s not religious, kinda had a thing on and off with this girl but he wasn’t dating her, but they go out a few times. And then one summer, one night, this chick frickin’ raped me in the back of my car.

KIRK: See? Oh my God.

MIKE: And when I say rape, I mean, I had a hand in it but, um, literally. But I felt horrible about it, and it actually took me awhile.

KIRK: Wow.

MIKE: But the difference was, I think I was seeing her and my brother is two years younger than me.

KIRK: And you felt like you snaked him?

MIKE: A little bit, even though he hadn’t dated her in awhile. But the interesting thing is, my brother’s two years younger so there were a lotta girls that he was friends with that I ended up hooking up with. Because when you get to high school, all of a sudden guys have cars and your brother’s still on a bike, and I’m looking a lot cooler, and I have a license and my brother’s schwent. So, as far as that goes, I’m not quite sure how Linda feels, but, you know, in my own experience with those girls, you know, Linda may have felt a lot like me, where it was just like “Yeah score, look at that, sisters.”

KIRK: Well, I got it. Well, I do have to say. In a sick kinda way, I did kinda have this feeling like, “Yeah I guess I got it going on,” instead of him, you know? In a way, I was kinda gloating, but, not really, but like I did have a little feeling of that, you know?

MIKE: Yeah, I think that’s natural. I think that is a natural thing.

KIRK: Yeah, like you conquered!

MIKE: Right. I mean, hey you know, my brother couldn’t do it but I can.

KIRK: Yeah, and I always was the bad brother, you know, so it kind of fit the whole overall picture you know

MIKE: Which really shocks me because you’re a really stand up individual, a really good family man and a very hard worker.

KIRK: Yeah I was always the bad seed.

MIKE: I kinda like hearing that.

KIRK: I’m the only guy who got arrested, you know, and the only guy that got in trouble all the time.

MIKE: Now if you could see a picture of Kirk, Kirk would not strike you as the guy who always got arrested and was the bad seed in the family.

KIRK: Yeah that’s funny…well look, we gotta wrap this up so is there anything else you wanna say about sisters?

MIKE: Uh, I would like to give it another try if I could find sisters, I’d like to hook that up at some point.

KIRK: Is that a thing with you? Like a sister thing, I mean, couldn’t it just be like a girlfriend. But I guess it’s because I guess you know the family, you know the family. Is that part of it?

MIKE: Uh no I mean I think there’s something attractive. If there’s like two attractive sisters in a family, that’s kinda cool, you know? It’s almost kinda forbidden.

KIRK: Well, I agree. I think it is too. Well, we gotta wrap this up in a bit so thanks for coming over tonight, Mike.

MIKE: Yeah it was a great time.

KIRK: I appreciate it.

MIKE: No I had a great time. I had a wonderful time.

KIRK: So everyone, thanks for listening in. We appreciate it, and we’ll talk to you next week.

MIKE: Keep downloading us

KIRK: Yeah, please please please!

MIKE: Buh-bye.