A FLY ON THE WALL: What Men Really Say About Women

Copyright TAHC, LLC – All Rights Reserved.
Thanks to Kelly G. for this transcript!
This episode was mixed by Greg from Lucid Drive Studios.
Technical services provided by www.betasptodvd.com

EPISODE EIGHT

August 9, 2007

–INTRO TO SHOW–

Welcome to another episode of A FLY ON THE WALL…
Guy #1: I love girls who are just like, you know, strong and take charge kind of ladies.
Guy #2: You know, somebody who’s uh, you know, loves you, cares about you, wants you, but doesn’t need you to, uh you know, make her feel okay about herself.
Guy #3: No drama, I don’t do drama.
Guy #4: You know, what fascinates me is Goth girls. They’re so devoted.
Guy #5: All day woman. Smart, good looking, nice body. Good cook. Good hair. Great mom, good fun to be with.
Guy #6: Definitely someone who can put up with my bullshit.
Guy #7: You know, I need a really sweet girl, but she’s got, her body’s gotta rock.
Guy #8: A very exotic look. Part Italian, a little Armenian, a little bit of French, and a little bit of that, a little bit of everything, so kind of that olive skin, beautiful eyes.
Guy #9: I like sweatpants, and uh t-shirts, and uh clogs.
Guy #10: Yeah, I’m an ass man, all day long, all day long. Hahahahaha. Ha.

–SEGMENT 1–

MIKE: Alright. Hey, welcome to A FLY IN THE WALL.
KIRK: Yeah, I’m Kirk.
MIKE: And I’m Mike.
KIRK: And we’re here with a very special guest today.
MIKE: This is unbelievable. I mean, we’ve only done a couple of these shows and now we’ve got guests coming into the studio. I love this.
KIRK: Well, the truth is, Mike. What happened was, you know, we were getting a lot of emails, and people kind of refuting us and asking us other questions, and we thought “You know what? We might as well bring a chick in here.” So…
MIKE: Cuz our opinions are wrong, I’m guessing.
KIRK: Well, so we’re going to introduce you now to Sloan Taylor, and she’s just a girl living in the world. And we’re lucky to have her, and we’ve never met her before this minute. She just walked in the door. We responded to an email and set the whole thing up and it’s really great. So, welcome, Sloan.
MIKE: Welcome, Sloan.
SLOAN: Thank you. This is my first radio blind chat.
KIRK: Yeah.
SLOAN: I did listen to your shows. It was great. It was fricking hilarious.
KIRK: Why is that? Is it because we’re such idiots?
MIKE: Thank you.
SLOAN: No! It’s just great to hear both opinions from a married guy and a single guy, and I just, I wanted to jump in. I was like talking, responding.
KIRK: Well, look, I was wondering if you have any things that pop into your head that kind of stuck out from our shows you wanted to comment on. Since you couldn’t talk to us and you were screaming at the Internet.
SLOAN: Wow, okay. Well, Mike, you were talking about being a bad kisser.
MIKE: No. I’m not a bad kisser.
SLOAN: I mean, like girls being…Okay, I’m sorry. Let me take that back. Like girls being bad kissers…
MIKE: No, I know, Sloan.
SLOAN: And how that’s such a turn-off and the halitosis and all that stuff.
MIKE: Right.
SLOAN: How does a girl tell a guy that it’s just not happening? I mean, a nice way to tell a guy, to say “No, it’s…you’re not hitting it,” if you know what I mean.
KIRK: You mean with the kiss?
SLOAN: You jump in there, yeah, that and just everything.
MIKE: Everything in general, I think. Yeah.
SLOAN: Yeah.
MIKE: Um, that’s a great question actually. I don’t think there’s a real nice way of saying it.
SLOAN: Okay, recently I just had a situation where he was like, well you know, talking about kissing and stuff. And I was like, “I completely understand. People have different rhythms.” And I said, “There’s just certain hot spots you’re not hitting.” And next thing I know, I get this MySpace message saying, “Um, I just can’t see you anymore. There’s no spark. Have a great day.”
MIKE: Oh wow, okay.
SLOAN: Yeah.
KIRK: Ouch, ouch.
SLOAN: I just thought, wow.
KIRK: So wait, how long into this were you exactly?
SLOAN: Two or three months.
KIRK: Two or three months? Wow. That’s a good long time.
MIKE: That’s a good long time to wait to have that conversation too, I think.
SLOAN: Yeah.
KIRK: So was that about not hitting it sexually or not hitting it personality-wise?
SLOAN: That, yeah.
MIKE: Sexually.
KIRK: Sexually?
MIKE: I think all this is sexually, correct?
SLOAN: Yeah, I mean it eventually goes there. But you know, how do you tell, a nice way of going like, “Okay, you know, I like you, but you know, it’s just not happening. Let’s make it better. Let’s work on it.”
KIRK: Yeah. That’s why people date though. I mean, you know, you date to try it out and see if you’re compatible.
SLOAN: Exactly.
MIKE: You know, it sounds like you handled it the right way, like talking to him about it. You’re mature about it.
SLOAN: Thank you.
MIKE: It shouldn’t have been that big of an issue, I think.
KIRK: Yeah. And then breaking up on a MySpace page. Oh man, that’s too much for me.
SLOAN: Yeah. And then what got me was, “Have a great day.” I just thought that was lame.
KIRK: Hmm.
MIKE: Yeah, that was really lame. I agree with you.
SLOAN: Yeah.
KIRK: Well, I had a question for Sloan. I mean, your email was pretty laden with different stuff about guys. I’m wondering, what’s your take on guys? How do you…?
SLOAN: I don’t think they’re necessarily bad. I mean, I was talking to one of my girlfriends before I came on this show. And I said, you know I don’t want to come across as a Miss Ball Buster and that I hate men. And that’s not the case. I love men, and I’ve always found I got along better with men than with girls cuz girls can just be so backstabbing. And guys are just a little more laidback, you know? But that email, like I said, it was funny. I was just in a meeting with some vendors and my coworkers, and there was this other girl, you know, there. And she was dressed in this short mini-dress, very low-cut top. And you know, I was dressed business casual. And anything I had to say was not relevant at all to the vendor because he kept staring at the girl. And even all the guys, everything she had to say was like “Oh ho ho ho, that’s so funny. Ha ha ha.” And so at the end of the meeting, you know, the vendor’s like “Okay, I only have one business card left.” And he looks at her, and he looks at me, and he says, okay, says to her, “You can call me anytime you want to.”
KIRK: Oh man. Wow.
SLOAN: It’s so, you know. And then I said to my boss, I said, “You know. That just really solidified the fact that men have two brains, and they think with their dick sometimes.” And he was just so shocked that I said that. I was like, come on, that’s what happened here guys.
MIKE: Sloan’s a great find, you know. I’m glad you contacted us because all these things you’re saying are, like, these are great things to know and talk about. For the record, Sloan is very attractive.
SLOAN: Thank you.
KIRK: Definitely attractive.
MIKE: Just so you all know that it’s probably, just because she’s in, you know, business attire and someone’s wearing something else. She’s a very attractive woman, so…
SLOAN: Thank you.
KIRK: You know, honestly. I didn’t know if a truck driver was going to show up here.
SLOAN: I know, huh? Well thank you.
KIRK: Yeah, but what is it like working with guys? I’ll tell you what it’s like working with women.
SLOAN: Okay.
KIRK: But first you tell us what it’s like working with guys.
SLOAN: Um, some guys will always try. And I will make it very clear. It’s like, you’ll know if I want to open that door.
MIKE: Right.
SLOAN: You know, but I try to be really upfront and say, “I really enjoy your friendship, but I just don’t see it going there.” And especially if the guy has a girlfriend or a wife, that’s such a turn-off when they try to come on to you. It’s like, you know, I try to respect the other woman in your life, and I mean, one time I did tell my friend, I was like, “Can you please tell your girlfriend to please stop dogging me every time we go out because there’s nothing there, okay? She does not need to feel threatened.”
KIRK: Yeah.
SLOAN: You know, so I kind of get that with the girls too.
KIRK: It’s like what we were talking about on the other show. The bachelor parties?
MIKE: Mmhmm.
KIRK: How, you know, these guys are married and they’re going down on some hooker or whatever. That’s just so gross. That’s just awful.
MIKE: Actually, it was just a stripper.
KIRK: Stripper, whatever.
MIKE: But yeah. No, I’m with you.
KIRK: Well if you’re licking her, what is that? That’s not a stripper anymore.
MIKE: That’s a stripper with benefits.
SLOAN: It can be her other job.
KIRK: Yeah, okay.
MIKE: That’s true. She was hired as a stripper.
KIRK: Okay well.
SLOAN: And that’s for the record.
KIRK: I thought stripper was like just looky no touchy. You know, so…MIKE: No, I think if you pay them enough, you can touchy.
KIRK: Okay, well then…
SLOAN: Yeah, there we go.
MIKE: I’ve heard, I don’t know. Seen pictures.
KIRK: The name of the noun changes to hooker, but whatever.
MIKE: Maybe it is. I don’t have enough experience.
KIRK: Here, okay, here’s what I know about working with guys, alright? Like, I’ve had a lot of experiences at work where I’ve had women bosses and men bosses. And the men bosses are like, “Hey, you know that thing you were trying to do, can you get that to me by Wednesday?” And like, ‘Okay sure. That’s kind of a rough deadline, but whatever. I’ll make it happen for you.” And then I’ve had women bosses that are like, “I told you, I need that thing by Wednesday. You know what, just give it to me Tuesday instead because I just can’t wait any longer.” I mean, I’m not exaggerating. Stuff like that happens to me, and I think it’s just because the women of power, I feel like they have something to prove because they don’t have that cultural thing.
SLOAN: Mmhmm. Exactly, exactly.
KIRK: They can’t just say like, “Hey yeah, it didn’t work out.” They have to say, you know, like write seven emails to cover their ass and say, “I didn’t do it. So-and-so sent it and Kirk was supposed to approve it.” It’s like, you don’t need to do that.
SLOAN: Yeah. Exactly.
KIRK: You know?
SLOAN: No, you’re right.
KIRK: You think so?
SLOAN: I do think so.
KIRK: Really.
SLOAN: I mean, even working for women, I’ve found that they, like, they’re a little harder.
KIRK: Oh, so it’s not just me.
SLOAN: No.
MIKE: What are your experiences, Kirk, with women hitting on you in the workplace? And her experiences with men hitting on her?
KIRK: This comes up sometimes even though I’m married and everyone knows it. And I don’t wear a ring just because I hate jewelry, and I told my wife that I would wear a big giant t-shirt that says, like, “I’m so happily married to Pamela” and like, you know, “Hands off.” But she said I didn’t have to wear that t-shirt, but I said I would.
SLOAN: Probably wouldn’t have gone through with it. Well, I’ll never forget, again, where I used to work. You know, I’m just riding out, getting this customer’s information on his check, and he’s like, “Why don’t you call me?” because you have to ask for their phone number and stuff. And I said, “Well, I really have no business to call you.”
MIKE: Right.
SLOAN: And of course, being a total guy, he’s like, “Well, how do you got to be so hard like that, girl?” I was like, well…
KIRK: How about a little warm-up first?
SLOAN: I know, I said.
KIRK: You know, a little conversation?
SLOAN: And I said, “I’m not going to lead you on, man.” And I go, “That’s just not me. I’m not going to lead you on.”
KIRK: Jesus.
SLOAN: “I just really had no business to call you. I’m here to pay my rent, like everybody else.”
MIKE: So a lot of guys are aggressive to you in the workplace?
SLOAN: Sometimes I feel like I hate feeling like I’m a piece of meat.
MIKE: Right.
SLOAN: Like even like where I used to work, we’d have the ladders climb up and get the gear, and I would hate crawling up that damn ladder because, you know, I mean, hello? And so then I would turn it around and I would start doing that song from Chicago like, “Pop, six, squish, uh-uh.” And then they would like get all embarrassed, and I’m like, “Now you know how it feels.”
KIRK: That’s true.
SLOAN: They would turn around all embarrassed. I’m like, come on guys.
KIRK: Oh my God. What would you say to some guy if he just came up and wanted to give you a compliment? Like, “Oh my God, I love that dress that you’re wearing.”
SLOAN: “Thank you.” I mean, I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable if you said it that way, “Hey that’s a really nice dress.”
KIRK: Yeah.
SLOAN: You know, “thank you.” I remember talking to one of my former bosses, and he put it this way. You know, “Men are visual, and that’s reality. It just takes a while for a guy to get to know your personality and your brain.” And that totally, that made me crack up, and I said thank you. And women are beautiful, and we’re meant to be looked at, in a sense. That’s why we get all made up. But sometimes, it can be a little too much. You know, ask my name first.
KIRK: Well yeah, that’s a little ridiculous.
SLOAN: You know what I mean?
KIRK: Well anyway, we should take a break first. We’ll come back with Sloan Taylor, just a girl.
SLOAN: That’s right. Come on girls, we got to get it together.
KIRK: Yeah. Just understand that, Sloan, we’re not here to gang up on you or anything.
SLOAN: No, not at all.
KIRK: We just want to get the chick point of view, and so we’re really glad you stopped by.
SLOAN: Yeah, definitely. Yeah, great.
KIRK: And so can you stick around after the break?
SLOAN: I sure can.
KIRK: This is awesome. Alright. We’ll be back in just a second.
MIKE: See you soon.

–COMMERCIAL–

Girl: I’m Christina. Three years ago when I was pregnant, I was trying to figure out how I could bring in some money to my soon-to-be-expanding family while staying at home. When my husband and I were cleaning up the guestroom to make the nursery, we came across an old Beta max VCR from the early 80s. My husband goes, “I bet nobody on earth has one of these relics anymore. I bet their home movies are going to rot forever.” “Oh my God, honey, we can transfer all those home movies to DVD for people! It’s a win-win. I get to stay home and nest while the movies transfer!” Bingo, our DVD transfer business was born along with our son Jason. Now they’re both well and thriving. We even expanded our transfer business to include all video formats, in between playing in the mud. Feel free to come by our website: www.betasptodvd.com.

–SEGMENT 2–

KIRK: Hi, Welcome back to A FLY IN THE WALL.
MIKE: What men really say about women.
KIRK: Yeah. I’m Kirk.
MIKE: And I’m Mike.
KIRK: And we’re with our special guest here who we just met tonight, believe it or not. Instead of doing the “Ask a Guy” segment on the street, we actually brought in a girl.
SLOAN: Off the street.
KIRK: Off the street. It’s the beautiful Sloan Taylor, just a girl living in the world. And we’re really excited you’re here, so thanks for joining us.
SLOAN: Oh, it’s been a pleasure. Thank you. C’est un plaisir. My high school French, I had to throw it out there.
KIRK: That’s good.
MIKE: Kirk loves French.
KIRK: Oui. Je parle le français.
SLOAN: Oh. Oui.
KIRK: Oui oui. So anyway, Mike has a question for you, Sloan.
MIKE: Yeah, Sloan, this is very important.
SLOAN: I’m glad we’re not being videotaped.
KIRK: You see that little corner right over there? Just kidding.
MIKE: This is the question that every guy always wants to know. Does size matter?
SLOAN: You know, a woman has to enjoy herself in a certain way?
MIKE: Sure.
SLOAN: But yeah, it kind of does matter.
KIRK: It does, huh?
MIKE: Have you ever gone, like unzipped a guy’s pants, put your hand down there, and been like “Eech,” mortified that it’s so small?
SLOAN: Um.
MIKE: If this is too personal, just…
SLOAN: No, I’m just trying to remember.
KIRK: I have no problem with this subject
SLOAN: No, well, I mean…
KIRK: Size 13 feet, man.
SLOAN: Alright. Let’s keep our clothes on here.
MIKE: Well, is there any situation where you’ve literally been like, “Holy cow?”
SLOAN: Well, I mean, he even said it. “It’s kind of small, isn’t it?” And I’m like, you know, “It’s okay.” What are you going to do? You gotta make him feel good about it.
KIRK: Wow, I just assume that, you know, just like people’s noses, I mean. They’re different, but they’re not like hugely different. Like you can look at every single person and figure out, “There’s their nose and it’s about that big.” I mean, it’s not like hugely different.
SLOAN: Well, let me turn it around for guys. Does size matter for breasts? I mean, we all live in plastic Southern California. I mean.
MIKE: Yeah, Kirk and I have actually talked about that before on the show.
SLOAN: And I probably missed that one, sorry.
MIKE: But that’s alright, no, no. We do a lot of talking about these kinds of subjects.
SLOAN: Cuz I’ve heard a mouthful is enough sometimes.
MIKE: That is. As I was telling Kirk, I’m an ass guy, not a boob guy.
KIRK: We both are actually.
MIKE: Yeah.
SLOAN: Okay, okay.
MIKE: The size of your ass does matter to me.
SLOAN: Okay.
KIRK: Yeah.
SLOAN: Alright, yeah, that’s fair.
KIRK: But back to size mattering on guys. I think it’s a little more crucial to guys because I think they freak out more. I mean, if you’ve got a small dick, that guy you dated with the small dick.
SLOAN: Yeah, yeah.
MIKE: I’m sure you weren’t the first one he was having this conversation with. And that’s gotta be tough.
KIRK: Did the guy have a huge truck? A Porsche?
SLOAN: No.
KIRK: No? Because we call it Small Dick Syndrome when you have like a…
SLOAN: Oh no, yes, yes.
KIRK: You get like some huge monster truck or like this Ferrari or whatever because if you had some guy who was just so Casanova, who’s hot to trot, he could just like woo you, kiss your ear, you know, do all this stuff. You wouldn’t give a rat’s ass.
SLOAN: Yeah.
MIKE: Kiss your ear.
KIRK: I mean, whatever.
MIKE: You know, kiss your ear.
KIRK: Girls, they love it if you kiss the back of their necks or you kiss them on the ears, right?
MIKE: How great is this guy?
KIRK: It’s like a sensitive thing and they love it. They wouldn’t care if your dick was like the size of a toothpick, am I right? If they were just all over you?
MIKE: Listen, if they go down on you like a pro, you don’t care, right?
SLOAN: Exactly, that’s what I saying.
KIRK: They just have to own it. It’s like, “Yeah, that’s one of my tools. It’s small, but, you know, look out baby.” Right?
SLOAN: Yes, exactly.
KIRK: See? If he would have owned it instead of saying.
SLOAN: I mean, I hadn’t known any other before that anyways, so I didn’t have a comparison.
MIKE: Dang, then he probably shouldn’t have said anything.
KIRK: Yeah, he fucked that one up. “This is the size they all are.”
MIKE: Yeah, “I’m huge. You don’t understand. I’m hung like a pinky, and that’s enormous. Believe me.”
SLOAN: My peanut.
KIRK: Okay. What happens when a guy pulls out his dick and you discover that it’s circumcised or not circumcised? It surprises you one way or the other. You probably think it’s circumcised. Let’s say he pulls it out, and it’s not circumcised.
SLOAN: Mmhmm.
MIKE: Or have you ever even seen the difference?
SLOAN: Yes I have.
KIRK: And what do you think about that?
SLOAN: I feel like I’m on the witness stand. “Yes, I have.”
KIRK: If you could see her right now. Mike and I are at the end of this table, and she’s in the middle. And we’re kind of like grilling her, and she has to turn her head left and right all the time to see us.
SLOAN: Right, I feel like I’m at court or something. My deposition.
KIRK: Yeah, sorry.
MIKE: Right. And Kirk and I aren’t wearing pants. In case she hadn’t seen it, she knows what’s going on.
KIRK: Don’t freak her out, man. She’s going to split. We gotta finish this show.
MIKE: Sorry, sorry, you’re right, you’re right.
KIRK: God, put you pants back on. Just kidding
MIKE: We finally got somebody in here, and we’re going to scare her off. So back to Kirk’s question, does it matter?
SLOAN: Um no, it doesn’t.
KIRK: So what’s your take on circumcision? Like when you see a guy like that?
SLOAN: Well I mean, that’s all I’ve really been accustomed to. But when I saw, it is different looking, you know, and it was just…I always felt like I was going to hurt him. It’s just, I don’t know why, I was like, “Am I hurting you?”
KIRK: Interesting. It didn’t like gross you out or anything?
SLOAN: No, I mean, it was different to look at, but it just, you know. And he was very attractive, so it was just like all part of the package.
KIRK: Well most, almost all of Europe, they don’t circumcise there. So like the French, the Swedish, and everybody. They don’t do it, you know? Only in America.
SLOAN: I thought it was just a hygiene thing. I don’t know. I mean, I have no idea.
KIRK: Well Europe manages just fine, you know?
SLOAN: Okay, yeah, that’s true.
MIKE: I had heard it was a hygiene thing also. Years ago, it was believed…
KIRK: That’s bullshit. Millions and millions and millions of people live perfectly normal, healthy lives without ever worrying about it ever. It’s just like you wash your ears, so you wash down there too.
SLOAN: And women also don’t shave their legs and armpits in Europe as well.
KIRK: That’s true. Now what do you think about that?
MIKE: I think Europe’s gross.
KIRK: But they have damn good coffee.
MIKE: Uncircumcised dudes and hairy women?
SLOAN: Uncircumcised heathens.
KIRK: But they’ve got damn good coffee.
MIKE: They’ve got damn good coffee.
SLOAN: Yes they do.
MIKE: I am not into armpit hair or leg hair. Now do you like, Sloan, do you like guys that man-shave and groom up? And does back hair freak you out?
SLOAN: Hair on your ass is kind of a turnoff. Hairy ass.
KIRK: Should they wax it?
SLOAN: I mean, hair everywhere else, that’s fine. Men have hair.
KIRK: So you want them to actually wax it or shave it?
SLOAN: Yeah.
KIRK: Would you ever do that Mike?
MIKE: I’ve got a hair chest. I’m starting to get some sprouters on my back which I get waxed off.
KIRK: Sprouters.
MIKE: Yeah, I am not into that. I don’t mind that I have chest hair and stuff, but when it gets too bushy. You know it’s funny, I noticed this in Chicago.
SLOAN: Yeah.
MIKE: They’ll have neck hair that’s creeping up their esophagus. And I’m just like “Ew.”
KIRK: So what should they do?
MIKE: They should get a hair trim or trim it off.
KIRK: Okay, so trim it, not like remove it.
MIKE: Hold on, I’m trying to see now if Kirk has it so I’m not trying to be offensive. Kirk is just like, “Dude, no.”
SLOAN: Clear.
MIKE: Clear.
KIRK: So they don’t have to remove it. They just have to trim it?
MIKE: It’s just, yeah, just get it trimmed down. There’s an acceptable level. Am I right, Sloan?
KIRK: Sloan agrees.
SLOAN: Yeah, yeah. I mean, it’s kind of sexy, but when there’s just way too much, I just feel like it’s like my, like your grandpa with the gold chain.
MIKE: Here, take a look. How am I doing?
SLOAN: Cool.
MIKE: See, Kirk, can you see that down there?
SLOAN: You’re a little sunburned.
MIKE: I am a little sunburned. I just stopped by the pool today.
SLOAN: Looks like you’ve been sun-kissed.
KIRK: Mike’s showing us his shirt there.
MIKE: My chest hair. Yeah.
KIRK: They can see it, Mike, so we have to tell them.
SLOAN: Okay, well, what about tattoos? What do you guys think about tattoos?
KIRK: Good question. That’s a really good question.
SLOAN: I…
KIRK: I have a friend. Go ahead.
SLOAN: I think they’re really sexy on guys.
KIRK: Wow.
MIKE: I mean, when you say you like tattoos, are you talking about sleeves or are you talking about just like one on the shoulder or what?
SLOAN: Well, you know, not like all tatted up like it’s your whole suit, but I mean one here and there, I think that’s kind of sexy. I mean, I’ve been noticing tattoos…
KIRK: IS this a bad boy thing or what?
SLOAN: I don’t know. It’s just different.
KIRK: I have a friend, and he has a fetish for chicks in tattoos. It just gets him going like crazy. And when I see that, he’s into heavy duty tats. And when I see that, and I’m going to offend some people here, I see low self esteem, maybe harder life. And to me, it’s not appealing because it reflects all those things.
MIKE: What you just said. My thoughts are…I think I thought that same way too years ago about tattoos, but I think they’re so commonplace now…
KIRK: Right.
MIKE: that it’s almost hard to find…I mean, I don’t have any tattoos. Do you have any tattoos?
SLOAN: No, not yet.
MIKE: But you’re going to get a tattoo?
SLOAN: I was thinking of it, yeah.
MIKE: Yeah, I think. I’d say 7 out of 10 people usually have a tattoo.
KIRK: 7 out of 10 people?
MIKE: In the entertainment industry? I think, I would say, well, I would say at least five out of ten.
KIRK: Yeah, I would say five out of ten.
MIKE: But I do remember when I’ve had uncles and stuff that had tattoos and growing up in the 70s and stuff, I felt the same exact way as you do, Kirk. But, I was with this girl that, it goes along with body piercings. She had her tongue pierced.
SLOAN: See, I couldn’t do that.
MIKE: And she had a bunch of tattoos, and it was pretty hot. And I’ve dated some…
KIRK: The tattoos were hot?
MIKE: Yeah, they were very hot. She had like, you know, the one on her upper back, and she had one on her shoulder I think, and one on her front.
KIRK: So that worked for you?
MIKE: It did. Yeah, it was hot. I mean, I’ve dated a couple girls with tattoos. You see a lot of butterflies out there on the hip.
SLOAN: I was just talking to somebody about that because she loves butterflies. It was like her symbol with her former…you know. Her husband passed away, and that was kind of their thing.
MIKE: Right.
SLOAN: But she’s like, “It’s so common!”
MIKE: Yeah, you see a lot of butterflies out there. You see a lot of roses out there.
KIRK: Yeah.
MIKE: And you see a lot of Chinese letters for some reason that mean nothing to the person, but they thought it looked cool and all of a sudden it’s like their symbol. But…
SLOAN: It means “hungry.”
MIKE: Right, exactly. It means, “I got a dog.” But, I could take them or leave them, but they’re definitely…
KIRK: You could take them or leave them? It’s not like you definitely learn towards it?
MIKE: No, not at all.
KIRK: Is that right?
MIKE: Yeah. Or body piercings.
KIRK: Body piercings, okay. They freak me out. Like when I walk up to someone and they have a nose jewel, like in the side of their nose, I can’t…or like a big piercing, like a big bull ring in their nose or whatever.
SLOAN: That’s all you can stare at.
KIRK: I can’t see their face anymore.
SLOAN: Yeah.
KIRK: I’m just like, God, how do you sleep with that thing? Doesn’t it pull when you like…? It just kind of like, it’s a distraction to me, you know?
SLOAN: Right.
KIRK: It’s not like I judge them or anything. I just think like, that’s really annoying to look at you. Just like the same way if somebody had a giant band-aid on their face, or if they had a giant, you know, felt pen mark on their face. You would just stare at it because it’s freaking weird. I don’t know. But so where will you get your tattoo?
SLOAN: I was thinking on my upper right shoulder.
KIRK: We’ll tell you if it’s good or not.
MIKE: That’s right.
SLOAN: I already have it picked out, so…
KIRK: What is it?
SLOAN: Well, when growing up, I used to be really into like Greek mythology and all that stuff. And they have different Muses, so mine is sort of like the modern spin of the Muse of Music, Euterpe. And I found this really cute, it’s almost like Japanese anime kind of, cute little girl, and she has like the whole music staff coming out of her hand. So I have an appointment this Saturday.
KIRK: Is that right?
MIKE: Oh wow. So you’re going to pull the trigger.
SLOAN: I do.
KIRK: Oh my God.
SLOAN: I do, cuz you know, it’s time. I just want to do something different.
KIRK: You’re going to shake it up? Is that why? Are you having some kind of funk or something? Why now?
SLOAN: Why now? Because in my 20s, I played it really safe. I was just always, you know, doing what everyone wanted me to do. And now I just feel like it’s just something I wanted to do.
MIKE: Good for you.
SLOAN: And like I said, I’ve seen…I have friends and guys that I dated that had them, and they’re just very hot.
MIKE: Yeah.
SLOAN: So anyway.
KIRK: Do you guys agree that there is a difference between a tattoo or a couple of tattoos or like totally tatted out?
SLOAN: Yeah.
KIRK: Is there a difference?
MIKE: Huge difference.
KIRK: Yeah?
MIKE: But I think, like I’ve worked with some dudes that…some guys that are totally tatted out, I think look cool.
KIRK: Hmm.
MIKE: Women, not as much to me. But dudes, some guys just pull it off.
KIRK: Yeah.
MIKE: They look like they were born to be wearing those kinds of tattoos, that kind of artwork.
KIRK: Yeah, I was at the pool not too long ago, and I see this woman, and she’s swimming laps, and  she stops right next to me, and she’s probably, I’m guessing, 65. Totally tatted up, alright? Now her tats were completely saggy and like faded.
SLOAN: I remember when somebody was like, “you’re going to be saggy when you’re old.”
KIRK: It was just. No, but…
MIKE: If it’s on your shoulder, then I think you’re okay.
SLOAN: Okay.
KIRK: But part of me was like, “Oh that’s so revolting,” because they’re all like saggy and gross. But another part of me said, “Wow, that old lady once like had a wild side, and she was cool that one time.” And it was kind of, it kind of made me feel better about her in a way, but it was also really strange to see them so faded. Like blurry, they get really blurry, you know?
MIKE: Did you say, “Hey old lady, you were probably wild and cool at one point”?
KIRK: “What were you like?” Yeah.
MIKE: “What were you like?”
SLOAN: “I’ll buy you a drink and ask you about your tats.”
MIKE: So she had saggy tats, huh?
KIRK: That’s so funny, but yeah. Well, good luck with that. I mean, I’m excited for you.
SLOAN: Yeah, we’ll see how much of a wuss I am. Gotta put up with the pain first.
KIRK: Then you gotta wear a sleeveless top all the time.
SLOAN: No, cuz that would just be for someone to see.
KIRK: Well, isn’t that the point?
SLOAN: Uh, yeah.
KIRK: Or is it like polka dot underwear? You just wear it for yourself?
SLOAN: Well I mean. I just thought it would be very cool.
KIRK: I mean, you have it. Why not show it off?
SLOAN: I know. I mean, on appropriate occasions, yeah.
KIRK: So it’s a real sexual thing for you?
SLOAN: Yeah, I would say so.
KIRK: It’s like a sexual thing. It’s not just like something cool. It’s like sexual.
SLOAN: Well I figure if they’re back there, they might as well have something to look at.
KIRK: Look at you, you team player.
MIKE: This is why I love women.
SLOAN: I mean, you know.
KIRK: She wants to help us out, you know? I like that. I like that attitude. It’s cool.
SLOAN: See, thank you!
MIKE: That’s a great attitude.
SLOAN: See, I’m not a ball buster.
MIKE: That’s right. You are definitely not a ball buster.
KIRK: Who said you were a ball buster?
SLOAN: Oh, sometimes I get called the feminist or whatever, cuz I can. I mean, I can come off uptight or iron maiden, but sometimes I just don’t want to play the games.
MIKE: Right.
SLOAN: So I just shut it down, which may not be such a good thing, but that’s just me.
KIRK: Okay, so I have a stupid question that someone emailed to us, and I wanted to run it by. They said, why do guys make the “Ahem hem hem” sound when they spit? You know that like, they like make that…
MIKE: It’s more of a “Uccchhh.”
KIRK: Yeah, why do guys do that and girls don’t do that? Now, do girls ever do that? Do you know what I’m talking about?
SLOAN: I do know what you’re talking about.
KIRK: You don’t do it.
SLOAN: I don’t think I do.
MIKE: I can’t think of too many girls I know that spit.
KIRK: Honest to God, I don’t think girls do it. I think guys do it because our throats are constructed differently. We have an Adam’s apple, and girls don’t have an Adam’s apple. And I think guys just do it because that’s part of the way their throat works. But I don’t think girls do it, you know. But then again, I was so naïve. I never thought girls farted.
MIKE: Well, that’s cuz they don’t.
SLOAN: No, they don’t.
MIKE: Yeah, just another reason why men and women are different.
SLOAN: That’s right. That’s right.
KIRK: We gotta wrap it up now, Sloan. And you gotta show us your tattoo.
SLOAN: Okay.
KIRK: Email us the picture, and then if you get really…
SLOAN: It’ll probably have to be in phases cuz I don’t think I can do the whole thing all at once.
KIRK: Well, when you get it done, you can email us a picture.
SLOAN: Okay.
KIRK: And if it’s okay, first we’ll talk about it on the air.
SLOAN: Okay.
KIRK: And if it’s okay, we’ll go ahead and post it on our website.
SLOAN: Alright, after I heal.
MIKE: Yes.
KIRK: We’ll show your face too. That way they can see how hot you are. Alright, so anyway. Mike, you good?
MIKE: Yeah, I’m great. I think this was a lot of fun, and yeah, I think we should give Sloan Taylor another thank you.
KIRK: Yeah, let’s give her a round of applause.
SLOAN: Thank you guys. Thank you.
MIKE: Yeah. Just a girl living in the world.
KIRK: Yeah.

–MUSIC –

MIKE: How many guys? I mean, I do this all the time, I sleep with one hand down my pants. I’ll be napping or something.
SLOAN: Yeah, why do you guys do that?
MIKE: You know what? I think I do it just because it’s very comfortable.
SLOAN: Sort of  instead of sucking your thumb?
KIRK: Girls don’t just sleep like just kick back and have your hand on there?
SLOAN: No!

Share on Facebook